A guide of possibly useless tips and questionable insights of navigating through a life experience
Fibula Oblongata –
‘TIS WISE to note that a broken leg has a mind of its own. So whatever designs your overzealous sense of will may have, your leg most probably has other plans. Eg.
- Beating your sister to the remote
- Answering the land line in time
- Walking your beloved dog etc.
Dialogues of Disaster –
Should you happen to be the victim of said unfortunate scenario, ‘tis wise not only to exercise caution over the movement of your leg, but over that of your tongue as well. A carelessly dropped phrase could result in you being the subject of many a curse, the butt of many a joke and the target of the occasional flying shoe. This in turn remarkably affects recovery time, state of mental well being etc.
For your ref.- Some tried and tested dialogues to be avoided:
- “I’ll be down in a minute…”
- “No problem, I’ll take care of it...”
- “Sure! What do you want to draw on my cast…?”
- “Oooh…what does this button do…?”
The sight of a known face hobbling around pitifully in a crutch and cast usually inspires a torrent of curiosity to bubble forth from the onlooker. But every now and then you come across the odd concerned bloke whose creative interrogation refuses to go beyond “So how are you feeling now…?” The vast awkward silence that follows the cursory “Much better now, thanks.” is rather uncomfortable. Fear not. If hair can have extensions, so can this conversation-
- 1. Since the poor chap has run out of questions from his not-so-abundant repertoire, drive the conversation by conducting an inquisition of your own: “So have you ever broken your leg?” If he has, you’re in luck. The conversation continues for another 5 mins. If not…
- 2. Puns. A conversation about the subject of a busted leg gives birth to many a pregnant pause. Mostly because you are wincing and cringing at the multitude of bad puns the situation breeds.
“…can put your best foot forward (followed by smug guffaw)”
“…when I said break a leg, I didn’t mean literally go and…(followed by smug guffaw)”
“…costed you an arm AND A LEG…!!(followed by smug guffaw)”
Horrible as these may be, it’s not as bad as the ocean of awkward silence. Indulge in the pun theory and you will survive the ordeal with merely a slightly swollen forehead (from facepalming).
To be continued…
Coming up next:
The Sympathy Milkshake – How to milk the situation, and have your boss get YOU copies and coffee.